Simple Tips for Care Partners - Ideas for Taking Care of YOU!

During difficult times, it can be hard to think about anything other than what’s going on, but try not to become so consumed by stress that you overshadow your needs for well-being. Try modifying schedule to include time to take care of yourself. Beginning today, carve out some free time for just for YOU. Even if your loved one with dementia only requires minimum assistance right now, schedule some time to do something that is important to you. Try to schedule time once a week, at a minimum, though most people will need more. No one should have less. Stay consistent for your sake, but more for the sake of your loved one with dementia.

 Pick a day and time each week. Hire a companion or ask a friend or family member to stay with the person while you go out and do something on your own. Make sure that time is spent doing things that will refresh you. Many care partners feel guilty for leaving the person at home while

they go out and visit with friends, attend a book group, or participate in a sport they enjoy. It is critical to realize that if you are not happy and healthy, you can never be an effective care partner. If you don’t take breaks for your enjoyment, you will experience resentment, anger, and fatigue.

Here are some ideas:

• Tap into your higher power. Spiritual practice provides a sense of inner peace, a feeling of being centered and calm. Make time every day, even if it is only five or ten minutes, to pray, read spiritual passages, sing your favorite hymn, or participate in a religious ritual that is meaningful to you.
• Meet a friend for coffee.
• Take a weekly exercise class.
• Join a book group.
• Get a haircut or a manicure.
• Take a walk in the park.
• Play with your grandchildren.
• Check out some books or take a free class at the library.
• Go to the movies.
• Attend church.
• Write in a journal.
• Talk with someone in person, by phone, or through the Internet.
• Don’t give up activities that are important to you.
• Eat nutritious meals.
• Get plenty of sleep.
• Participate in a sport you enjoy

Think Positive Thoughts

 Many people find that saying positive affirmations or mantras throughout the day helps reduce stress and fatigue. A mantra is a sound or words that are used to help create focus during meditation. Many people find repeating mantras to be a helpful stress-reduction technique, whether or not they meditate. Create your personal positive mantra or affirmation, and repeat it frequently. Research has shown that positive thoughts and emotions change the neurochemicals in the brain that affect our mental, physical, and spiritual health. Saying an affirmation an affirmation first thing in the morning starts you off in a positive mood and affects your decision-making for the day. If you forget to do this when you get out of bed, don’t worry; mantras are helpful in stressful situations too. An affirmation could help prevent you from lashing out at someone and bring you back to a calm state.

 Some mantras that others have found effective include:

• This too shall pass.
• Tomorrow is another day.
• With God, all things are possible.
• I will accept the things I cannot change.
• I will look for the good in every day.
• Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful.
• I have much to celebrate.
• I believe I can be kinder to myself.
• My pace is perfect.
• I am in control of my thoughts.

I realize this is all easier said than done, but if you start today and gradually make a bit more time for yourself each week, you’ll be happier, healthier, and a much better care partner.

© 2014 Jennifer A Brush, may not be reprinted or distributed without permission

The Importance of Personalization in Long Term Care Communities

The Importance of Personalization in Long Term Care Communities

By Jennifer Brush, MA, CCC/SLP

An individual's possessions represent a lifetime of memories, achievements and activities. It is vital that new residents be allowed to bring some of their favorite and special items of furniture and belongings with them when moving into a residential setting. Care communities can recognize the importance of these belongings by not treating them as objects we allow residents to bring with them, but as part of the right to continue to create an environment that they find suitable and worth living in (Calkins, 1997). More and more care communities are implementing policies that not only allow, but encourage possessions to be moved in with residents including beds, furniture, art, and memorabilia. Personal items and decorations should be able to be stored and displayed both in bedrooms and common areas that are shared with other residents.



Personal possessions also aid staff on their journey of getting to know the residents, their tastes, family, and special memories of travel and a well lived life. This is even more important in the case of those suffering from communication difficulties such as dementia and expressive aphasia.  Often persons with communication impairment cannot tell their own life story, travel memorabilia and family photos can communicate, to some extent, about the past.



One of the key reasons for personalization of a person’s environment is to help them remember people, places and objects by compensating for deficits in declarative memory. Having familiar items around makes it feel like home and provides more distinctive spaces, providing orientation cues for all individuals. For example, one will recognize a favorite chair and be able to experience the joy of leaning against the much loved cushions in the sitting room, or sipping tea out of one’s own china cup can make a huge difference to someone’s feeling of well-being.



Displaying personal items in a lit glass display case next to the bedroom door can help residents find their room. The more significant the objects or the stronger the memory associated with the objects, the better these objects assist people with locating their room (Namazi, Rosner, and Rechlin 1991).  Some researchers have found that using a large photograph (8 by 10) of the person helped in locating their rooms (Nolan et al, 2002).



One option is to ask the resident’s family to bring a picture from home to hang on the bedroom door. It can be an earlier picture of the resident or a photo from a special occasion like a wedding. Often, a person will not recognize a current picture, but will recognize a favorite pet, childhood home, or other object such as a trophy or favorite knick-knack from home. Whatever items you decide to use for personalization and orientation, make sure you test for recognition by the resident.  Ask the person if he knows who or what is in the picture, if he likes the item, or if he would like to have it on his door. The person should always have a choice in how his room is decorated and what pictures are displayed.




So, take a walk down memory lane and gather some favorite bits of the past, personalization is a wonderful way for an individual to feel more connected with their new home and have better orientation in a different environment.  



(c) 2014 Jennifer A Brush.  May not reprint or distribute without permission

More Praise for I Care

Thank you to Martha Stettinius, author of Inside the Dementia Epidemic: A daughter's memoir, for her thoughtful review.

5.0 out of 5 stars Essential Reading -- The Best Description Available of Why It's Important to be a "Care Partner", July 1, 2014

By 

Martha Stettinius

This review is from: I Care: A Handbook for Care Partners of People with Dementia (Kindle Edition)

According to the authors, a "care partner" is someone who receives as well as gives care and affection. While care “giving” can seem one-sided (and never-ending), a care “partnership” is reciprocal and rewarding. "When someone helps care for someone else, we call him or her a caregiver. This is a natural title and one we all understand; however…this title implies that there is nothing left for the person with dementia to contribute.”

Too often we assume as caregivers that a person with dementia is “gone” or incompetent. A person living with dementia is still “here,” still capable of experiencing a full range of emotions, needs, likes and dislikes. They can usually continue to make some decisions in the early stages of dementia, and then, through the final stages of dementia, share love and affection, even if it’s just holding hands or offering a hug or a smile.

Care partners learn, over time, how to support their loved one as a whole human being, not as a dementia “patient.” Care partners also learn—and this is no small thing—to pay attention to their own needs, to care for themselves. The one-sided nature of care “giving” can encourage people to become martyrs and do too much, while care partnerships encourage people to balance their partners’ needs with their own.

“I Care” includes many well-written stories by people who see themselves as care partners. These anecdotes are some of the best parts of the book. One husband of a woman with Alzheimer’s, for example, writes that “dementia has not robbed” his wife “of her personality, and it has not robbed us of each other. We have simply become partners.” His explanation of how they became care partners is quite moving.

Elsewhere in the book Brush and Mills share excellent tips about how to communicate with a person with dementia, find meaningful activities, and encourage socialization. One of my favorite parts is a sample letter in which a care partner writes to her husband’s friends, reassuring them that they are still a vital part of her and her husband’s life, and encouraging them to continue to visit.

Much of the dementia care information in “I Care,” such as tips for making your home safer for a person with dementia, can be found in other guides, but the authors bring a certain hopefulness and lightness of spirit, and specific clinical observations of care partnerships, that make their book unique.

If you have been diagnosed with dementia, care for a person with dementia, or work with people with dementia, “I Care” is one of the best descriptions you will find of care partnerships, and essential reading.

I Care Receives a 5 Star Review!

I Care Reviewed By Suzanne Cowles for Readers’ Favorite

"I Care: A Handbook for Care Partners of People with Dementia by Jennifer Brush MA and Kerry Mills MPA is an informative medical guide that focuses on the caregiver. The number of people suffering from Alzheimer’s disease and the seven associated dementias is rapidly increasing each year. This puts a strain on those who care long-term for the demanding needs of adults who slowly lose the ability to care for themselves. Transitioning for caregiver to care partner begins with a change in attitude, adjusted expectations and dispelling useless negative emotions. Using real-life examples, Brush and Mills foster hope in a constructive way to maintain life balance, minimize stress and sustain a fulfilling relationship. Packed in seven chapters are practical advice and an appendix with emergency contacts template, subjects to discuss with the physician, a long-term care checklist, questions for the insurance company, a daily behavior log template and a home safety checklist.

Brush and Mills, in I Care: A Handbook for Care Partners of People with Dementia, provide sources of help, define the physiological brain changes in the patient, explain techniques to practice memory retention, and lay out the steps to estate planning for future medical care. Their combined thirty-two years of health care experience and education shed light on debilitating brain dysfunction and offer the tools necessary to manage the patient while caring for the self. If you know someone who suffers from dementia, this motivational book will inspire you to embrace a changing dynamic and focus on the quality of today."