Caring for Your Loved One with GRACE

I am pleased to welcome Melissa Cohn Bernstein, one of our guest bloggers this month.  Melissa and I have collaborated on online learning projects together for a number of years.  Melissa owns Dynamic Learning Online, an excellent source of continuing education for health care professionals.

 Thank you Jennifer for inviting us to Guest Blog for you!

As an Occupational Therapist, married to a Geriatrician, many of our discussion revolve around the care and needs of the senior population.  My husband’s book, I’ve Got Some Good News and Some Bad News YOU’RE OLD, Tales of a Geriatrician, provides many “lessons learned” from the thousands of patients he has treated in his 30 years of practice. He developed the acronym  G.R.A.C.E. leads to a happier healthier life.

What does G.R.A.C.E. stand for?

G stand for Goals, R for Roots or DNA, A for Attitude, C for Companionship and E for Environment.
He observed from his patients who have lived happy, healthy, and long lives, that the traits of GRACE had been incorporated into their lives.
G-having Goals or a purpose in life leads to greater satisfaction and fulfillment.
R-knowing your Roots or DNA is critical to understanding your genetic makeup and what risks or benefit you can derive from your heredity.
A-having a positive Attitude and being grateful, showing gratitude for what you have leads to greater enjoyment and experiences in life.
C- Companionship and connections to others is a critical factor in forming supportive and loving relationships.
E- Environment is what you do to live a healthier life, such as eating, exercising, sleeping and listening to your physician’s advice.

GRACE plays an important role in caring for loved ones, especially someone who has memory impairment or Dementia.  Having clearly defined Goals or a purpose for each day provides much needed structure, an essential component for an individual who is bombarded with distractions daily.  Roots, in this case family structure or family tree, denotes  knowing who your family is,  and that you can count on them to assist and provide much needed respite and support.  Family can also be loosely interpreted to include local friends and your support system as well.   Having a positive Attitude is essential in surviving the marathon of living and sustaining a loved one with Dementia.  Included within the trait of attitude is gratitude since without it we become less human.  Companionship and Connection with our loved one brings us back to the depth of our love within the relationship, and it becomes the glue that holds us together through difficult times.  Connections within our community enable us to seek and obtain much needed physical and emotional support.  Keeping the Environment safe and uncluttered helps prevent injuries and reduces distractions both of which are detrimental to the individual with dementia.  Providing a healthy environment includes a healthy lower carbohydrate diet, physical activity/exercise, and good sleep habits.

It is important to remember the 5 characteristics of GRACE when caring for a loved one with memory impairment or dementia.   Whether it is in the early stages and in a home environment, or in the later stages where the loved one resides in an assisted living facility or nursing home, they all need a little GRACE.

How are you applying GRACE in your life and the lives of your loved ones?
We are happy to hear from you!

Here’s to aging GRACEfully!
© 2014, Melissa Cohn Bernstein, OTR/L, FAOTA
Dynamic Learning Online, Inc.
melissa@dynamicgrp.com

David Bernstein, MD, FACP
Physician-Author-Public Speaker
david@davidbernsteinmd.com

“You really love me, don’t you?”

“You really love me, don’t you?”

By Kerry Mills

My weekly visits to the Convent are where I can usually count on having at least one of the highlights of my week.  This Convent is where the retired sisters are living, and about eight months ago I started training the staff and creating a program for the sisters.  There is one part of the home that is set aside for those who need a bit more attention due to their cognitive impairment.  It is in here that my favorite little lady lives.  I will call her Sister Martha.  She is very witty, super sweet and full of compliments.  She can also be the first to resist care if she is approached the wrong way.   I think the meanest thing she ever said to a staff member was, “You bum!”  Her heart is so sweet, you just want to hug her!

Like many people who suffer with Sister Martha’s condition, she is very forgetful and often can become sad, or afraid of the whereabouts and therefore the safety of her parents and brother, who have long since passed away.  She can become suspicious of those who want to help her get ready for the day.  The moment she hears the word “shower” she becomes defensive and will not get up off her chair or out of her bed.  She loves to compliment the other sisters and the staff.  She loves to read whatever is put in front of her.  She loves to eat, and more than anything, she likes to laugh.

This week, as I walked into the living room and saw my sweet friend, I went over and kissed her on the forehead.  She looked up at me and said, with a serious face and eyes glued to mine, “You really love me, don’t you?”  “Of course I do!” was all I could say, as I sat down next to her and we held hands.  

Sister Martha was having a bit of a rough morning.  She thought that everyone was going to die.  Where this thought came from we don’t know.  She has many fears like this.  I assured her that I would keep her safe, and sat with her for a short while.  This led to some small talk, and then to big laughs about silly stuff.  The staff had already put on her favorite DVD, an Irish singer who Sister Martha felt she knew so well because, according to her, he visited every day!  When I returned an hour later, Sister Martha was singing along and was as happy as could be.  The staff, like every other day, knew how to assure her they would keep her safe; they knew how to engage her in things that would take her mind off of her fears, because they knew her.  They listen to what she says and therefore can provide more comforting responses.  

We cannot always fix the issues that our loved ones with dementia are dealing with, but we can certainly love them and make sure they know that they are not alone.  And with this as your aim, I am confident you will do more for your loved one than you can even imagine!